


Legendary Theory

by kissa_kitty0325



Series: Obey Me: All Good Girls Go to Hell [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Multi, Oh dear lord another fanfic to write kill me now, eventual porn with plot, i own nothing, my character in the game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:56:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissa_kitty0325/pseuds/kissa_kitty0325
Summary: I’ve always been a firm believer in the idea of what I like to call my ‘Legendary Theory’. Every story passed through the ages, every bit of fiction that ever sparks the human imagination, every tale, legend or fantasy, ever created has that little spark, that kernel of truth hidden within. It is that truth that makes the fantastic believable whether it is of amazing beauty or despicable horror. It exists whether humans believe in it or not, and while the human imagination is capable of wondrous deeds, it’s that nagging little bit of ‘truth’ that fills out the realm of possibility.Go figure. My character in the game is named Kissa Kitty, the generic name I give to all my gaming toons regardless of genre. Sorry, I hate reader inserts and have more of a hard time with them than I expect. There will be elements of Polyamory to an extent, because hey, you are in Hell and temptation is a thing. You are only human after all....This is the start of my contribution to the fandom, which in the past month has done nothing but expand exponentially...Happy Reading!Kissa
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Beelzebub & Belphegor & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Diavolo/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Obey Me: All Good Girls Go to Hell [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627390
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

I’ve always been a firm believer in the idea of what I like to call my ‘Legendary Theory’. Every story passed through the ages, every bit of fiction that ever sparks the human imagination, every tale, legend or fantasy, ever created has that little spark, that kernel of truth hidden within. It is that truth that makes the fantastic believable whether it is of amazing beauty or despicable horror. It exists whether humans believe in it or not, and while the human imagination is capable of wondrous deeds, it’s that nagging little bit of ‘truth’ that fills out the realm of possibility.

Maybe that’s why I was now standing in a courtroom of sorts, blinking blue eyes at a group of unbelievably gorgeous men clad in a uniform I didn’t recognize while I stood in the center of the room wearing basically what I wore to bed that night, which admittedly, wasn’t much. My blue comfy shorts and the space t-shirt with kittens flying across it was not exactly fashion that I had ever expected would see the light of day let alone be put in front of a committee, and that’s not even putting into account the lack of a bra and bare feet on top of it. At least it seemed like my hair was sort of behaving, falling around my shoulders in golden blonde waves and getting in my face enough that I had to brush it back behind my ears in a slightly nervous gesture.

“Welcome! Welcome Kissa, to The Royal Academy of Diavolo!” The big man in front of me was loud and boisterous, and seemed strangely excited to see me there, his coloring unusual enough for me to take notice. His deep blood red hair was cropped messily short, and he had the most amazing glowing gold eyes I had ever seen, his red uniform tailored to perfection to fit what looked to be an athletic build. 

_Wait. Glowing?_

“I am Diavolo, Prince and future King, here to welcome you to the Devildom!”

I started to zone out as he explained his grand plan of cooperation between the three worlds, the Devildom, the Celestial, and the Human, using an experimental exchange student program. I was still trying to process, my eyes sleepily flickering around the room as my brain tried in vain to catch up to my surroundings. 

“Lucifer is the Vice-President of the Student Council here, and is also my right-hand demon here in the Devildom. He will take over the explanation from here. Again, Welcome to the Devildom, and I hope we can make the next year one for History!”

I am going to blame the muddled fog of my logical mind for the reaction I had when my notice was captured by tall, dark, and handsome standing next to the Prince of Demons. It was like getting hit in the head by a Mack Truck, his sheer presence radiating authority and power as he stepped forward out of the shadow of Diavolo and into the light. His jet black hair was straight, cut short in a no-nonsense, authoritative style that only melded the man in front of me with the black uniform worn impeccably well across wide shoulders. It was almost intimidating, but while he wasn’t exactly open with his body language, he wasn’t hostile either. He was the absolute picture of perfection, mouthwatering, sensual, and way out of my league. 

“As was said, I am Lucifer, the Avatar of Pride, and I and my brothers will be seeing to your care and protection for the duration of your stay with us. My brother Mammon will be seeing after your direct needs, but since he has yet to grace us with his presence,” Lucifer’s eyes flashed, the deep blood red of his eyes flaring with irritation at the absence of said brother, “I shall introduce you to those here.”

He turned gesturing to each of the brothers in turn, starting with a tall blonde casually leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. He was classically handsome, in a dark debonair way, like a blonde James Bond in a military school uniform. 

“Satan, the Avatar of Wrath, is the fourth born among us.” The blonde demon smirked, giving a bit of a wave before narrowing his emerald green eyes at me, considering.

Lucifer then pointed out a young man, seemingly younger than the others with puffy blue hair, his eyes glued to the screen of the gaming system he held in his hands. His profile was also handsome, a fluid aquiline beauty in a masculine face, looking to be around 20 years old or so.

“The Anti-social demon in the corner is Leviathan, Avatar of Envy and my Third brother.”

The blue haired guy didn’t even look up from his game as he started to mutter, looking completely like a high school kid pissed off that his gaming was interrupted.

“I don’t know why we have to take care of some weakling Human. This is completely not fair and you know it.”

Lucifer sighed, as if this was some sort of an argument that never seemed to end.

“The other Human, Solomon, is staying in Purgatory Hall with the Angels, so it only makes sense that we take other other Human. You know this, Levi.”

“I bet she ends up eaten by something within three months.”

Satan spoke up then, a teasing lilt to his tone and I tried to figure out if he was teasing me, or his brothers.

“I’ll take that bet.” The vocal purr slid through my mind like the finest silk as yet another gorgeous man stepped forward, his golden brown hair framing an androgynous beauty the likes of which ballads are sung. “Such an absolutely divine example of a female Human.” His eyes roamed over me, hot and wanting, capturing my gaze with his. A second later, a flash of confusion flickered in the depths of his orange gold eyes before he recovered, leaving me to wonder if I imagined what I had seen. “Just looking at such a delectable morsel, and I can bet she’d be…delicious….” His words were steeped in sexual innuendo, and I clenched reflexively at my core, surprising myself just slightly. 

“We’re eating the Human?”

A huge guy stepped forward, his uniform stretched tight over impossibly wide shoulders and tapering down to slim hips. His hair was the dark orange of baked carrots, and his dark lavender eyes stared in my direction an irritated frown on his otherwise handsome face. A large hand gripped his stomach and the sheer look of ‘hunger’ in his eyes almost made me gasp. He looked like he either wanted to kill me or fuck me, and for a second I didn’t care which.

“NO ONE is eating the Human!” Lucifer’s voice growled with leashed power, his haughty expression whipping over his brothers like a lash. He pointed to the two demons in turn. “That goes for both of you! And any context.”

Lucifer sighed, as if dreading having to speak, gesturing to the ethereal beauty with the golden chocolate hair.

“It is my dubious pleasure to introduce Asmodeus, the Avatar of Lust, and my fifth brother.”

“Now, Lucifer, you should be flattered that you get to introduce such a wondrous specimen as myself to our new little Human. You couldn’t ask for a more Charming younger brother.” Asmodeus’ voice was seduction itself, but this time I knew why. It only made sense now that I thought about it, my logical mind rejecting the call of my hormones as I realized some of the possible power of the Avatar of Lust.

“The Hungry demon there, is Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony. Just keep away from his mouth and you should be fine.” Lucifer sounded certain, but a small part of my subconscious wasn’t sure if I should stand there or if it wanted to run off in terror. I chose to stand there, my mind clasping for meaning in the strange predicament I found myself in.

“Mammon is the second eldest, and is the Avatar of Greed. He will be be your guardian while here in the Devildom.”

“No way in Hell! I am NOT babysitting some Human around the Devildom!” A bronzed god of a man walked in then, tossing the unruly mop of bright white hair out of his eyes. His lithe but muscular figure was covered by his sloppily worn uniform looking for all the world like a rich-kid delinquent, complete with designer shades. He was model gorgeous, as if he just walked out of a magazine centerfold. “I am far too busy to deal with stupid shit like this!”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait wait….” I spoke aloud for the first time, verbally trying to organize my thoughts into some sort of semblance of logic that might possibly make sense. “This has just got to be a dream….right?” My eyes roamed around the plethora of handsome male specimens I suddenly found myself in the ‘care’ of, my voice taking on a curious tone as I continued to think out loud. “But is it going to be one of those amazing ride ones, or one of my worst nightmares?”

A thought occurred to me, and as such, it went straight out my mouth without much thought until after I said it, my lips twisting into a hopeful grin.

“Is this some reverse harem eroge where I have one year to ‘catch em all’?”

Everyone just looked at me with a mixture of confusion and blank looks, to one exception. Only the blue haired guy, Leviathan, froze, slowly turning his head up to meet my eyes, a look of shock on his face as a light blush flushed up his cheeks. He cleared his throat, looking back down to his game as he huffed out a comment.

“You wish!”

I couldn’t really contain my disappointment. It’s been a while since I had a nice wet dream. I was overdue, but if that wasn’t it, then ‘It’, by logical conclusion, had to be a nightmare.

“Makes complete sense that way. Has to be a Nightmare.” Diavolo glanced at Lucifer, the red-head having a slightly concerned look on his face as I continued to ramble. “Why else would I be in front of a bunch of powerful men while barefoot in my pajamas being told I have to repeat High School…Unless…” 

Diavolo shook is head, quirking an eyebrow at Lucifer, unable to restrain himself from commenting on my apparently unstable mental condition.

“Did you pick a broken one?”

My eyes widened as I realized another possibility, completely ignoring the comments of Diavolo and drinking in the sight of ungodly handsome men around me. No, not men. Demons. Fallen Angels to be exact, and my habit of speaking out loud garnered a bit more attention. All these beautiful men, and my bet was, I wasn’t allowed to touch any of them. 

“Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.” My voice trembled a bit, the poem tripping off my lips easily as I spoke.

Satan perked up, his eyes pulled curiously to mine as he stood up, as if I had all of a sudden done something expressly interesting enough to garner his attention.

“Hmm. Samuel Taylor Coleridge.” 

I was pulled from my thoughts when he spoke, my voice a bit confused as he mentioned the author of the poem I just quoted from.

“The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. What of it?”

Satan turned his gaze to Lucifer, a slight bit of curiosity and cautious admiration in his voice.

“She’s bright. She may prove entertaining at least.”

I could heard the teasing burn in Asmo’s voice as he spoke as well.

“And she’s Thirsty… I like her, too!”

“Aww, damn.” I looked around me in slight awe, my mouth dropping open as I was was hit with a sinking, slightly ill feeling in the pit of my stomach. I licked suddenly dry lips, my eyes meeting Lucifer’s. “I’m in Hell aren’t I?”

“We prefer to call it the ‘Devildom’ here.” 

The slight smile on his face sent a tingle of thrilling pleasure zipping down my back, and I pointedly ignored the reaction, sighing in realization. ‘The Royal Academy of Diavolo’. That’s where I recognized the name.

When I was in High School, I applied for a Student Exchange Program Scholarship, and I was always disappointed that I wasn’t picked for it. I thought I had all the credentials. I was intelligent and studious, a member of the Honor Society, participated in theater, dance, choir, math team,chess team and was a member of the cross country track team. I was so well rounded I might as well have rolled into the scholarship. To my eternal chagrin, I never heard anything about it, and it fell to the wayside of time as a pubescent disappointment and never thought about again.

“You do understand that I graduated High School about five years ago right?”

By the time Lord Diavolo had gotten his act together, five years had gone by. I had already graduated college with my degree in business management a bit over a year ago, and had found a nice comfortable desk job as a Federal employee of the USA as an IRS Agent. A bad joke about IRS agents going to Hell resonated through my mind like bitter candy.

Lucifer shrugged, as if the fact that I was no longer a high school student was of absolutely no consequence.

“Lord Diavolo wants you here for a year as an exchange student, so here is where you will stay.”

“Come on, Lucifer! I never agreed to this!” Mammon had started protesting again, his voice a whiny high pitch.

“You will do as you are told.” Even I could feel the whip of power that arched from Lucifer to slap Mammon for his defiance. The white haired demon flinched, his face going into a permanent scowl as Lucifer turned his attention back to me. “Mammon and the others will see you safely to the Halls of Lamentation, the dorm where you will be living with us from now on.” 

The fallen angel stepped forward, crossing into my personal space in a blink, his gloved hand gripping my chin as he did and turning my head up to meet his blood red eyes. He was purposely trying to be intimidating, his velvet voice pitched low in warning, and my heart rate accelerated to match, whether I wanted it to or not.

“We are in charge of your safety, and as such, I would ask that you refrain from roaming about the Devildom without either Mammon or one of the rest of us at your side.” His eyes left mine, roaming across my face to settle on my lips as they parted with a stunned gasp at the sensual tone. “Human flesh is a delicacy here in the Devildom, and not all demons have the restraint of myself and my brothers.” His warning hit something visceral inside me, and Lucifer mistook my reaction for fear, at first, but the teasing smirk I let leak out changed his mind in a blink.

“Aww…Why Mammon? Can’t I have you, Lucifer?” I whispered the words, watching as his eyes widened.

The incredulous look that swept across Lucifer’s face was almost comical in it’s expression, pulling a laugh from Levi as he looked up from his game, the sounds of my loud whisper echoing in the room.

“Damn, Normies got guts to go after the final boss on the first day. I’ll give her that.”

Lucifer only narrowed his eyes at me slightly, as if trying to determine my intentions, while Mammon sputtered, the idea that I would rather have Lucifer as my guide not sitting well with the Demon in the least.

“Excuse me?” Mammon started ranting at me, as Lucifer stared down, a cloud of suspicion veiling over eyes of crimson. “I am the GREAT Mammon! You should be honored that I’m the one carin’ for you, ungrateful Human!”

“Take care you don’t cause trouble for Diavolo, or I’ll kill you myself and save him the time.” Lucifer growled at me, his fingers tightening, increasing the pressure by a slight margin.

With that last parting shot, he released me, the heat from his hand still lingering on my skin. With a warning glare, Lucifer and Diavolo left me to the devices and tender mercies of his brothers.

Mammon scowled, impotent frustration showing in his very posture.

“Well, let’s go, Human. The quicker we get back the faster I can get this damn tour thing over with.” I didn’t move as Mammon turned from me, fully expecting me to follow him. It only took him a second to notice I hadn’t moved from my spot, when he opened the door to the outside.

“You deaf or sumthin’? I said let’s go!”

I glared at the white haired demon, looked at the exceedingly sharp rocks littering the ground outside, and then down at my still bare feet.

“Yeah. I’m not walking out there.” The flat finality in my voice must have got to him as he started walking back.

“What do you mean you aren’t? Lucifer says we are going to the Hall so we’re going…” 

“What you fail to notice, dear brother, is that our Princess here is barefoot. I don’t doubt that the scent of blood on her delicate skin would send the local demons into a titter, should she of course cut herself on the way.” Asmodeus shook his head sadly, as if he couldn’t believe the stupidity of the Avatar of Greed. “You really are scum, you know that?”

“Who the Hell you callin’ scum, you fuckin’ letch!” 

Asmodeus ignored the ranting Mammon, turning to the large red-headed demon who stepped up next to us. The sixth brother, Gluttony right?

“Beel…Be a dear and carry Miss Kissa up to the Hall, will you please? We wouldn’t want her to be injured on her first day here.”

I am by no means tall, my little 5’4” frame has me looking for the nearest step stool whenever I have to get anything down from a cabinet, but Beelzebub towered over me, only an inch or two taller than Lucifer himself. He was a few inches over six feet tall, which put him a good foot taller than I, making me feel practically diminutive in size comparison, but the fact that he looked as though he had almost enough muscle to rival the Hulk didn’t lessen the thought.

Beel studied me, the frown on his face a bit out of place from what I could tell of his personality.

“I’m Hungry…but Lucifer says I’m not allowed to eat you.” The frown dropped as a thought occurred to the huge handsome demon, making him pause, a gleam lighting up his lavender eyes. “Can you cook?”

_What the Hell does that have to do with anything?_

“Uh…yeah. I can cook.”

His eyes hardened into amethysts, his gaze narrowing on me with a fevered intensity.

“Can you make cheeseburgers?”

“Yes.”

My simple affirmation caused the dam to break across Beel’s face, a smile more beautiful than a morning sunrise lit up the demon’s eyes, completely taking my breath away.

_Oh, wow. He really is pretty…_

To my surprise, I was instantly bodily picked up, the muscle man tossing me unceremoniously over his shoulder.

“Cool. Can we keep her?”

I didn’t even try to keep my temper.

“Hey! I’m not a sack of potatoes here!”

Beel winced as I yelled in his ear and raised one hand, smacking my ass in punishment for abusing his eardrums. I squeaked, more in surprise than pain, instantly shutting up as I was manhandled into a bridal carry by the red-headed demon. 

“I like the noises she makes too..”

He smirked, looking down at me for a minute as he kept walking after Mammon and Asmodeus, and it was all I could do to keep from turning red as a beet considering the situation. The walk from the school to the dorms wasn’t very far, but Mammon kept up a running commentary, bitching and bemoaning his fate as ‘babysitter’ the whole way.

The ‘Dorm’ when we got to it, was anything but. Dorm my ass. It was an elegant Gothic Mansion of enormous size, complete with a mix of spooky atmosphere and opulent decadence. Hell, the only thing it was missing for ambience was Bela Lugosi and the damn Wolf-man at this point. The second we were in the door, Beel set me down, more gently then I expected, and quick as a blink, disappeared.

“Well, I need to go change and clean up for dinner…Toodles!”

With that, Asmodeus was gone too, and I was still trying to ascertain where exactly I misplaced the demon who carried me here. Mammon caught my confusion with a look of his own, shrugging as he caught my unspoken question.

“Beel’s hungry as usual. He headed to the kitchen the second we got here.” The cocky demon grabbed my hand, leading my unprotesting self under the area below the stairs, past a large dining room and led me to a room not all that far away, releasing my hand and pushing open the heavy door at the entrance. “This will be your room.” My mouth dropped open in stunned surprise when I got a good look at the room that I supposedly was going to be calling my own for the next year.

It was something out of a Princess fairy tale, with lush greenery, plants and flowers sprinkled tastefully about classical styled furniture. A small wet bar with tall leather chairs stood at one side of the room, alongside a miniature fridge tucked underneath, kinda like a personal kitchenette. The four paned picture window took up most of one wall, the dark purple blue of night beckoning enticingly from the shadows beyond the room, giving a hint as to the true depths of the coming night. A full sized tree stood in the center of the room, the branches in full green leaved glory, acting as a living canopy over the queen sized four poster bed, and the nightstands alongside. The bed itself was draped in a pale pink silky material, and I really hoped that the comforter was as soft as it looked.

“Your bathroom’s over there.” Mammon pointed to a door set in the wall across the room. “I’ll let you get settled and rest a bit before dinner.”

It was no surprise to me, that as soon as the white haired brother left the room and closed the door, I feel onto the bed and into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kissa attends her first meal with the Brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so in love with this Fandom! Here I go neglecting my other stuff LOL!  
> I have used the handle kissa_kitty0325 since the 90's, and I tend to name all my video game toons Kissa (started way back when I was playing Everquest and Dark Age of Camelot). Kissa is my MC in my Shall We Date: Obey Me.  
> I have about three or four different stories/one or two shot chapters to post :) This is a quick two chapter thing of how I saw things go down...at least in my head. Yes there are differences, yes I meant them, and no I don't care if that's not how the game has it....  
> The plan is to put up chapters for each of the guys...whether I'll do it or not is another story...  
> Yes, I'm fickle.  
> Happy Reading!  
> Kissa

It was the pounding of a heavy fist on the door of my room that woke me from my slumber, and I rolled over in the bed to stare up at the ceiling only to see the green leaves of a tree obscuring my vision. I rolled over again, the comfort of the bed trying to suck me back into its depths as the door slammed open, Mammon entering in a huff and carrying with him a few articles of clothing.

“Move your ass, Human! I sure as hell don’t want to miss dinner because your lazy ass couldn’t get out of bed… in time…”

I couldn’t help being grumpy. It’s not everyday that you realize that maybe this -isn’t- a dream because you did after all, just wake up. I sounded more irritated than I truly felt, the abrasive attitude of the Avatar of Greed rubbing me in just the wrong way right now.

\-----------

Mammon slammed his elbow against the door in a vague semblance of knocking, his arms full of clothes for the new human exchange student. He didn’t have a problem with Lord Diavolo’s Exchange student Program, not in the slightest. To Mammon, any time and attention that Lucifer was not using to keep tabs on him, was a good time. What he hadn’t counted on was having to do all the damn grunt work, catering to some human female at the same time. He grabbed the knob with a growl, letting himself in as he announced his presence.

“Move your ass, Human! I sure as hell don’t want to miss dinner because your lazy ass couldn’t get out of bed… in time…”

Mammon’s voice trailed off as his eyes looked at the stirring figure on the bed, her body and pale skin highlighted by the cold blue light of the evening sky through the window on one side, and the soft warm glow of the bedside light on the nightstand on the other. She had the body of an Angel, curved and lush in all the right places, from her firm heart shaped ass to her ample heaving chest, and he was struck deaf and dumb when he looked at her.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, just staring at her, imagining just for a moment that his hands were weaving through the heavy silk of her honey blonde hair, his lips trailing down the expanse of her throat. It was her voice, husky with sleep, that pulled him out of his little fantasy, making him clear his throat as she harped at him.

\-----------

“Dude, I have a name you know. Kissa. Try using it….” I sighed, running my hand through my tangled hair and sitting up in bed as Mammon dumped a pile of clothing on the edge.

Mammon just clucked his teeth at me, standing with his hands on his hips as he ran a disapproving eye over my yawning form. 

“Just get dressed.” 

I waited just a heartbeat, waiting to see exactly what the white haired demon in front of me was going to do other than cross his arms in front of him impatiently as he was currently doing. When he made no attempt to turn around or leave the room for me to get dressed, I figured fuck it. I’m in Hell right? Let’s give the guy a show.

It took two seconds for Mammon to spin around so that his back was to me, his face flaming red as I stood up and nonchalantly dropped my shorts.

“Y-you just change in front of people, now? What the Hell kinda human are you?” His shocked voice trembled just slightly making me grin at his obvious discomfort with my actions. “D-don’t you have any shame?”

I finished pulling on the pair of baggy sweats, brand name that they were, and grabbed the matching hoodie, pulling it over my head as I gave a slight snort of derision.

“Shame? I don’t have any shame….” I pushed past the greedy demon at the doorway and headed down the hall in the direction of the dining room. “I’m an IRS agent.”

\------------

Dinner was a louder and more boisterous affair than I had figured it would be, each of the demon brothers indulging in some form of meal, only half of which I could identify by sight. I sat on one end of the table, opposite Lucifer who sipped on a glass of dark ruby wine, appearing to my eyes at least, to be attempting to head off one hell of a migraine. 

When I had sat at the table, the sheer amount of food threw me off, the piles of various dishes recognizable and not, boggling the mind with the vast quantity. The reason became apparent the longer I sat next to the bottomless pit that was the Avatar of Gluttony. I had kinda expected the Avatar of Gluttony to be a beast of a demon, more like a pile of rubbery adipose tissue in a skin sack than the well-built and toned wall of muscle that was currently scarfing down some nameless dish while sitting next to me.

That wasn’t the only distraction from my own meal though. Lucifer and the others had adamantly insisted that everything on the table was edible by humans, regardless of what it may look like. I was currently fascinated by strange sort of purple slug or snail that was at that moment trying to slide its slimy way off Mammon’s plate, leaving a blood colored mucus trail across the tablecloth. It was about three inches long, purple and red streaks of thick mucus rolling down its sides, and instead of a snail shell, a single eyeball rolled frantically on its back as it sought to escape the chaos that is a demon’s dinner table.

It didn’t get far. Mammon noticed before too long, raising his fork with a casual wave before stabbing the metal tines through the body of the mollusk, the creature giving a shriek of pain as it writhes impaled on Mammon’s fork. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from the grisly picture, a grin curling across Mammon’s lips as he chuckled, watching as the snail thing curled in agony.

“Hey Beel…Catch!”

I watched in helpless fascination as Mammon flicked his fork in Beelzebub's direction, sending the snail thing flying through the air toward the red-headed demon, who caught the slug in his teeth, biting down and exploding the small creature in a rush of fluid before chewing. Blood and juices ran slightly down his chin as he swallowed, wiping his face gleefully with a napkin.

“Juicy! Thanks!”

I made a slightly pained noise, causing the two demons flanking me to turn towards me to see what was the matter, and I was sure I was turning a little green from the slight nausea. Lucifer raised his voice from the other side of the table, setting his wine glass down with an audible thunk onto the tabletop.

“Mammon! Beel! Were you raised in a barn?” Lucifer’s eyes narrowed at the two, who grinned at him unrepentantly. “Quit playing with your food.”

_Yeah, I can’t keep quiet…_

“Excuse me, Can I make a request?”

Every head turned in my direction as I looked down the table toward where Lucifer sat, one elegant eyebrow raised in question as he stared at me across the table’s length. 

“Of Course.” Lucifer gave a small indulgent smile, his lips curled up just slightly as he waited for me to speak.

“Can we make sure than anything that comes to the table for meals is already dead before we eat it?”

Satan deadpanned an answer, his voice dry as a desert as he swirled the red wine in his glass.

“Now, where’s the fun in that?” He flashed a sadistic grin at me, his eyes dancing over the edge of the crystal as he sipped from the red liquid in his glass.

“Look,” I challenged Satan with a glare, much to his amusement. “I don’t care if you eat it raw or cooked, I just have objections to watching you kill it while I’m eating. It’s a bit…..disturbing.”

_Disturbing my ass….I’ll be lucky if I don’t have nightmares…_

“Satan, enough.” Lucifer cut off any retort the Avatar of Wrath may have voiced before he started, earning the eldest a fury filled glare. “We do wish Kissa to be comfortable here during our time with her. Fostering good-will between the realms starts with us after all.” 

Lucifer gazed at me across the table, his elegant gloved fingers toying with the stem of his wine glass as he thought. I met his dark ruby eyes with my blue ones, letting my stomach settle a bit as I waited. Coming to a decision, he raised his voice getting the attention of the others.

“I see no reason to deny your request, but I also wish to expound on it just a bit.” His eyes swept over the faces of the other Sins, making sure they were paying attention. “There will be no killing at the table, nor will there be any -attempted- murder during a meal. If you are going to try to kill each other, excuse yourselves from the table first.”

Lucifer smirked at my confused stare.

“Does that happen a lot around here?”

“That usually depends on who Mammon owes money to…”

Dinner went downhill from there…..


End file.
